Today has been a big day. One of small successes. It is one that has been conquered, despite the underlying anxiousness quietly hidden beneath my breath. It is a day which offers appreciation for the small things.
A brave and constructive discussion took place with my friend regarding some questions that have popped up. They relate to some fundamental ideas which contribute greatly to my ten year plan. Some of the compromising factors brought to light go against my personal and ethical values, causing earnest concern, so needed to be acknowledged promptly. Most of these concerns directly relate to my yoga teacher training that I have spent the last few months preparing for, and due to this I feel a crossroads has been reached.
I confronted this ordeal with patience, a small seed of optimism and an open mind. I gratefully accepted her encouraging and objective words and sound advice. Some previously unrealised options have now been brought to light, which will assist in exploring and preparing for the next twelve months of my living. Even though there are still unanswered questions, a feeling of being much more grounded and cemented in my plans for the future is stronger now than ever before. I will write more in depth about this matter at a soon but later date.
Once our discussion came to an end and we parted our own ways, I took a pencil to paper – but no words were scribed. For the first time in a long time, my curiosity of drawing has stricken upon me again. An increasing acceptance of losing my most favorite and most special painting of mine is ever-present. A decision was made a while ago to no longer expect its return and instead make arrangements to get a print made from the chance photos that were luckily taken before sending it to its owner. One can only hope that its keeper understands the value in it and finds some small sense of appreciation from what is ingrained in the canvas, beyond the paint. A sense of relief comes from knowing that new inspiration and such drive to create new pieces has risen again, after such a long wait. Such a yearning for creativity makes me feel more content, more ambitious and more human.
The planning stages of a new painting.
My computer was fixed at the hand of another great friend, which was returned today, along with a completely unexpected gift of my favourite T2 tea. The Strawberry Bliss Chai won’t last long, not in this house. It is a brew that has been sorely missed and is far too delicious! With notes of fresh cardamon and chilli among others, the aroma is already fast becoming a permanent welcoming smell in my home, thanks to the many pots of the delicious brew that have been consumed to date, even though it has not yet been twenty four hours since it coming into my possession.
Other quiet successes were had. There was no sickness today. The sandman found me last night, and not too late either. A small park was discovered, located a short walk from home, that somehow held a likeness of the magic often found in Melbourne’s spring air. (Yes, I do go on about this Melbourne magic a bit, but so much about Melbourne is fucking magical! If you don’t believe me you will have to go and experience it for yourself – go on, I dare you.) The hem of an old summer dress was fixed. Nostalgic, well aging goth music from long ago was rediscovered amidst a rummage through my old collections, which brought about unexpected contentment. And I didn’t find myself wanting for anything, other than the usual, unavoidable daily longing to be far away from this city that I must reluctantly, for now, call ‘home’.
It is difficult to bring words to describe such a thing as appreciation, but an attempt must be made. I am thankful for my very understanding and helpful friends who join me at my metaphorical side at this phase of great change in my life. And for the sweet little things that make right now pretty okay, sometimes turning a good day in to a great one – better yet, a super productive one.
These wonderful small things added up to make a totally killer day, filled with creativity, tea, kick-ass beats and a few decent smiles. It’s cliché and so true: life is too short to waste away, wishing days away and letting discontentment and sadness creep in. I am learning to grab those black-hole feeling useless shit stinking days by the throat and shove some goodness and well-meaning in to them. Let’s not take things for granted. Let’s make the most of our time here on this planet.
Carpe diem, my friend; seize the day.